Storytelling at a Distance: Staying Connected while we are Apart

Posted on by Amanda Tewes

…we can remain physically distant without social isolation.

There is no doubt we are living through unprecedented times. The threat of COVID-19 and the necessity of social distancing has changed how we work, educate our children, and move through the world. And yet, if there is a silver lining in this public health crisis, it is the opportunity to reconnect and recalibrate our relationships with those we love.

For many of us, social distancing has also meant literal separation from those we love. This can create a profound sense of loneliness for all of us, especially older generations. But remember: in this era of user-friendly technology, we can remain physically distant without social isolation. To combat this sense of loneliness, perhaps you are already ramping up the phone calls and video chats to grandparents and others. 

California Governor Gavin Newsom has challenged all of us to “meet the moment.” For us at The Oral History Center, that means sharing our expertise as listeners and communicators with you. With our backgrounds in oral history life interviews, we want to offer tips and question prompts so you can have more engaging and meaningful conversations with the important people in your life – even at a distance. 

What we’ve learned through our experience as interviewers is that sometimes the simple act of listening can bring a great deal of comfort. Even if your questions illicit the same stories with familiar cadences, we’ve seen how just sharing the story can bring joy to the teller. And there is a possibility that you will learn something new each time! Listen for new words or framing in every telling.

But how to get the conversation started? Here are some major storytelling themes we use to frame oral history life interviews, as well as some example questions to get you started:

  • Childhood
    • Home and Place
      • Examples:
        • What was it like growing up in ______ in the 19___s?
        • What did your neighborhood look like?
    • Childhood Passions
      • Examples:
        • You trained hard to be a ballet dancer. Can you tell me what that was like?
    • Holidays and Traditions
      • Examples:
        • What did Thanksgiving dinner look like at your house?
  • Education
    • Elementary and Secondary
    • Vocational or College
      • Examples:
        • You graduated from college in 19____. What did you do next?
    • Etc.
  • Career
    • Examples:
      • What made you choose to become a _____?
      • How do you think your background as a ______ impacted your work as a _____?
  • Personal Relationships
    • Familial
      • Examples:
        • What do you remember about your grandparents?
        • What kind of values did you acquire from your parents?
    • Romantic
      • Examples:
        • How did you meet Grandpa? What did you like about him?
        • Where did you go on dates?
        • Tell me about your wedding.
    • Etc.
  • Historic Events
    • Examples:
      • What do you remember about the moonwalk?
      • I know you were at Woodstock in 1969. What was that like?

Pro tip: If you hear a new or particularly interesting story, follow up with more questions! For example: I’m not familiar with that term/event. Could you tell me more about what that is?

Pro tip: Be an active listener! Even over the phone or a video call, listen to what your family member is saying and engage with it. You may even listen for what they are not saying. Is there something you think they don’t want to talk about, or a gap in the story you can help fill with another question?

Pro tip: Try parroting their words! For example: You said you had the time of your life. Why was that?

Pro tip: Try to ask open-ended questions! You don’t want to ask a question where the only possible answer is “yes” or “no.” That doesn’t make for very stimulating conversation. Try questions like: Can you tell me about x? Tell me more about y. Can you describe z?

Pro tip: Some of the most rewarding answers follow reflective questions that ask the storyteller to make meaning of their past, sometimes in conjunction with their present. These questions usually come at the end of a discussion around a particular topic or story. For example: What did that mean to you? Or: Wow, you’ve worked so many different places! What connections do you see between these jobs?

We at The Oral History Center value the time and conversations we share with folks in our professional work, and treasure these moments in our personal lives. With these tips and question prompts, we hope you can keep connection and conversation alive in your own lives. After all, storytelling is a great antidote to isolation.